Validation

So I have 2 friends who recently broke up with guys they've been involved with for a long time. Two completely different situations. Both of my friends are good-looking, intelligent, well-rounded people, and yet because of guys they've both wound up feeling like they've somehow received the short end of the stick. And I'm no different. When I broke up with V, I was devastated and could not understand for the longest time why he couldn't love me enough to make a sacrifice? I knew I'd done the right thing for myself in the long run, and I was even proud for finding the ability to make such a hard choice, but I still ended up feeling like I was the one who lost out, I was the one with something missing, I was the victim. After a break-up, we always want to hear that we were right and that the other person is wrong wrong wrong. For a while, we enjoy bashing them as much as we want while our friends listen and agree with us. Then you allow yourself to realize: I know I don't really think those things; are we just insecure? I can't help but ask myself, why do we feel the need to validate our lives by our relationships?

In order for us to feel ok with losing a significant other, we love to have another one lined up ready to go. Is it rebound, validation, or both? I met Mr. VW only a few weeks after my break-up, and the whole 10 minute scene was somehow able to lift me out of my break-up funk and caused me to feel good about myself for about a week. Until he never called. Then I started to wonder what I'd done wrong. And in the back of my mind I knew I'd done nothing (how could I?- we only met once, for 10 minutes), but how is it that the smallest things can have huge impact when they actually mean nothing at all? Are they the little pick-me-ups meant to be used and discarded? Do we make the things bigger than they are b/c we want so badly to believe that they are indeed big? Are we that desperate for validation??

What happened to it being okay to be single? When did women suddenly want to get married straight out of college again? My generation is like my grandmother's generation with the unhelpful addition of a lot of dirty rap music and hasty celebrity marriages (followed by hasty celebrity divorces)! Almost all of my girlfriends from childhood have been married for 4+ years now and their lives revolve around following their husbands' jobs! I'm not saying this isn't right for some people. But when did we start to feel inadequate because we aren't like them? Who says thats what we need? Why should we feel lonely or lame if we are home alone on a Saturday night? Why do we need a relationship to make us feel complete?